Sunday, August 19, 2007

Move Over Metrosexuals, the Vegansexual Is Here!

...And if you ate meat, you ain't gettin' any.


It’s not enough to be a vegetarian these days; you have to be a vegan with all the attendant headaches of ‘cruelty free’ accouterments and baggage. Even this is not enough though, as in their moral pique, they often feel the need to convert innocent meat eaters who may cross their paths at dinner time.

This brings to mind a woman, the wife of an old school friend of mine, whose vegan zealotry over the years has been a something of a curiosity; sometimes amusing, sometimes infuriating, always astounding. A friend told a story of being button-holed by her at a restaurant gathering. People were free to order what they liked. This is a fellow who will eat from any cuisine in the world, as long as it is some variation on steak and potatoes. Steak and rice will do. He is a sweet, salt-of-the-earth kind of person, so he was taken by surprise. Staring him down with a basilisk eye, the rabid vegan hissed,

“Meat is murder!”

Since our mutual friend was strong-armed into converting to veganism as terms of his marriage, this friend of beneficent temperament sighed and ruminated that he would
prefer to remain a bachelor forever rather than marry such a food fascist. She later included a PETA flier in his Christmas card. He muttered to me he had been sorely tempted to return the favor with a recipe for beef bourguignon, but restrained himself.

There is a new dimension in eco-terror.

Enter the ‘Vegansexuals’. A recent article in the UK paper The Daily Mail described this new phenomenon where vegans claim an ethos and bio-ecosystem of such unspeakable purity that it would nauseate them to have sex with meat eaters. According to the Daily Mail, "The co-director of the New Zealand Center for Human and Animal Studies at Canterbury University, Annie Potts, said she coined the term after doing research on the lives of ‘cruelty-free consumers’."

“'Cruelty-Free Consumption in New Zealand: A National Report on the Perspectives and Experiences of Vegetarians and other Ethical Consumers’ asked 157 people nationwide about everything from battery chickens to sexual preferences."

Was that ‘buttery chickens’, you said? You’re making my mouth water.

"Many female respondents described being attracted to people who ate meat, but said they did not want to have sex with meat eaters because their bodies were made up of the animal carcasses… One vegan respondent said: 'I believe we are what we consume, so I really struggle with non-vegans when it comes to sexual contact.'"

I applaud your stoicism. That means more men for me, and my feline kind.

The Daily Mail continues, “Another vegan said she found non-vegans attractive, but would not want to be physically close to them.” Yet another opined, “I would not want to be intimate with someone whose body is literally made up of animals who have died for their sustenance.”

I can understand your feelings completely. Now, please step aside.

You want a man who is more like… a rutabaga? You are what you eat, you know. How enticing, how very nouveau… men who are made up of mulched soy protein and carrot shreds. Yum yum. As for me, I prefer my leather black, my men made of beef, and my meat bloody.

Red meat is healthy. It is rich in heme-iron, a form of iron that is not found in vegetable sources like lentils and spinach, which are more difficult to absorb anyway and not as biologically compatible. Heme is as in hemoglobin, as in blood. Yours and your dinner’s. Which bring up another gripe. If you are a vegan, and willing to traumatize a nice guy by telling him his body is made up of corpses so you would not consider him as a lover, then you should not keep a cat.

Be consistent here. A cat is a meat eating beasty, a predator; a carnivore. It has no qualms about eating meat, and no qualms about killing its meat. It actually thoroughly enjoys it. It will practice its meat killing moves for sheer joy, with whatever is at hand – including your hand.

No, to be perfectly vegan-aligned, one should own a chicken. Give it a castle, for Pete’s sake. Or a bunny. Yes, a rabbit’s the thing. It is very boring compared to a cat, I agree; not nearly so sassy and clever, but then rabbits are not meat eaters. They are pure eco- vegans, the moral pinnacle to be aspired to. They are not made up of dead carcasses as those gorgeous cats are. Nibbling on sprouts, carrot shreds, and pellets made of unmentionable vegetable hash are all in a day’s work for them.

I almost gagged when I saw one of the photos accompanying this article depicting an actress of recent memory, who is now best known for her adherence to and promotion of raw vegan-eco-dogma, wearing a T-shirt — with a leopard on it. Sheez Alicia! Way to get it wrong! Buy a vowel, gurl! A leopard eats meat! It kills animals and eats them.

It would have no moral qualms whatsoever about dropping down on you from above, biting into your jugular until you suffocated, dragging you with its muscles made of carcasses up into said tree and eating you. It would eat you with great gusto - meat, organs and marrow - and with less prejudice than these vegansexuals do tucking into someone’s entrails who eats a different diet from them. Why that leopard wouldn't even think of discriminating against you because you are made up of --

raw vegetables and pureed sunflower seeds.

So with that in mind, and considering that PETA has been telling women what to wear for years, leave the sporting of leopards and their spots to women more like them; women who enjoy a good piece of rare meat with ruby juices running, as well as men made up of beefsteak… not almond meal.

I would say that raw vegan food is ‘for the birds’, but I cannot. After lunching at one such LA mecca, and feeling distinctly ill-fed, I tried to toss some pieces of raw pressed seed bread to some sparrows that landed nearby. The little buggers pounced, picked it up in their mouths, masticated a bit with a curious look on their faces, and spat it out!

So I can attest raw food veganism being ‘not even for the birds’, at least not where I went. The poor kids in there are all eco-communists, seeing visions from lack of food (the stuff is prohibitively expensive) and lack of zinc which is known to cause effects experienced as 'spiritual visions' or 'heightened spirituality'; which is part of the reason the Catholic church figured out it was a great idea to make people fast during the lead-up to different holy days. Fasting and no meat leads to a loss of zinc. People see visions, their brains hallucinate, which interpreted as 'spiritual experience' vindicates a church's repression over rational thought of its people.

Red meat is also a source of saturated fats, especially if grass-fed beef, which are important for mood stability and fat stability in your body. Think butter here, not vegetable oil. Certainly not soy oil. Saturated fat protects the fats of your brain from rancidity. Polyunsaturated fats are not only good for creating free-radicals and turning rancid, they do this in your brain! Your brain is made up of fats.

The myelin sheaths of your nerves are made of fats protecting them as the plastic does on copper wires. Interestingly, vegetable oils consumed by most Americans in abundance, and by vegans exclusively, lead to inflammation and make it difficult for the brain to make use of the all-important mood fats Omega 3 fatty acids, which are rich in fish oils (flax oil does not compare) and is scarce in the diet without supplementation.

Of course fishes would have to die here, and a vegan would be opposed to that, which just goes to show that the vegan diet is terrible for your brain. Not only will one be heading toward mood disorders, but one obviously loses any sense one ever had to begin with.

Bodies made up of dead carcasses? Come on.

And while we’re on the subject of ‘cruelty free’, let us consider the importance of red meat, its high heme-iron, bio-available amino acids and zinc to humans. It is a food that is excellent for women, but also excellent, and I would say important, for men. Women tend to cook for and feed their men. What you feed them affects their health. Would you put your mad veganism ahead of your man’s health?

Obviously, many vegans would. Worse yet, they would discount a perfectly delectable specimen – because he was a meat eater? You lasses are lucky I am off the market. This would be too much fun. I would be snapping up disdained carnivorous dumplings left and right.

Man – chicken – Man – chicken – Man – Chicken... Chicken dies.

Early on, I wrote an article about the dangers of testosterone poisoning leading to imbalance and violence as in the case of athletes who abuse or even kill their women. There is a flip side to this story. Adequate testosterone is important for a man’s health. It is important in physiological amounts for a woman too, but it is important that men are not below healthy levels due to poor nutrition, especially nutrition driven by pathological eco-extremism.

I live in California where I get to see vegan men first hand. I can tell them at a glance; skinny and under-muscled, with backsides so paltry from lack of healthy muscle mass from inadequate intake of amino acids that their pants look like they are empty. These are a vegan girl’s dream, these men with too many estrogens from processed soy, and not enough testosterone from red meats, with temperaments that are often whiny, cranky, and generally neurasthenic. They remind me of older men in andropause, who are also dipping in physiological levels of testosterone. So, when one talks about ‘cruelty free’, ask yourself, "Cruelty free to whom?"

The article in The Daily Mail also featured a photo of the actress Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband Chris. They are held up as gold-standard examples of eco-ethos-vegans, eschewing meat, dairy, and fish completely. While Gwynnie looked coolly elegant and thin, God bless her; her husband struck me as ….

Needing a good steak.

1 comment:

Oberon said...

......make mine medium-rare.